A Couple of Updates

Just a few updates for everyone.

On Wednesday, I saw a pulmonologist to determine if I qualify to have a sleep study done.  The reason for this is that my neurologist and my primary care doctor both want to see if I have sleep apnea as this might be a cause of my migraines having gotten so much worse these last few years.

Well, I qualify.  I'm waiting for my insurance to approve the test so that it can be scheduled.

I also had a very horrific day yesterday in terms of pain.  I should have called the neurologist yesterday, but I just wasn't able to.  I called today and he wants me to try dexamethasone to try to break this cycle I've been having.  I'll be taking it for two days.  If I'm still not feeling any better after that time, I'm to go to the ER to get fluids and whatever else they decide I need.

I have to say that while I'm not exactly happy that there is a possibility that I have sleep apnea, it would also be nice to have a reason for all the pain that I'm in.

Last 2 Weeks

Two weeks ago today, my neurologist gave me a new medicine to try.  He wanted me to give it 2 weeks and then call him to tell him how I am doing.

I will be calling him today.  I have no good news for him, which is depressing.  The last 3 days have been especially bad.  I've been extremely cranky.  I've been dizzy and just blah feeling.  The nausea has been especially bad.  It hasn't been more than just nausea, but it's been closer than it has been in a long time. Take dinner, for instance. The last 2 nights, it has smelled wonderful. However, that smell has made so nauseous, I didn't want to eat.

Yesterday, I had a few dizzy spells. I also had an aura that lasted longer than usual. Seeing shooting stars in the bathroom isn't a normal thing for me, though it has been known to happen. I'm going to bed very early every night. I'm lucky if I can make it until 7. Any sound above a loud whisper makes me want to scream. Lights just about do me completely in.

I read an article on Migraine.com once that explained how I feel most days. It was about waiting for the next migraine attack. The feeling was compared to seeing a baseball coming at you and tensing, just waiting for it to hit. This is how I feel. I am constantly having to force myself to relax.

I'm ready to cry, which would just make my head hurt worse.  This can't keep up. 

I'm Sorry

I just read the most amazing article. Ellen has always had a way of making me see that this illness will not conquer me unless I let it. She has done it again. And she made me cry in the process.

I have some amazing people in my life. They have all put up with a lot from me as I try to figure out what is going on with me. I won't name anyone, because I don't want anyone to feel left out should I forget them. I will however say, “Thank you.”

Thank you to those who have stood by me even when I am at my worst. Thank you to those who have helped me with little things: chores, children, etc. Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement.

To anyone I have hurt, I am so very sorry. It was never my intention to hurt anyone and it pains me greatly to know that I have. And I know that I have hurt a great many people. I have not followed through on things I said I would do. I have said unkind things that were not truly meant. If I could go back and correct it all, I would. Since I know that is not possible, I can only say I'm sorry and I will try very hard to not hurt anyone else.

All I can do is make the most of every day and try to not push anyone away any more than I already have.

Thank you and I love all of you.

Long and Unpleasant

Yesterday was not a good day.  The bad part actually started Tuesday night.  I had a bit of headache starting and I was getting cranky.  That means an early bedtime for me to keep from yelling.  I knew as soon as I woke up yesterday that it had only gotten worse. 

I cancelled a non-emergency doctor's appointment, got the girls out the door and called it good.  A shower and clean bedding helped, but only so much.  No tv, no books, no video games, not much in the way of computer time at all.  I spent most of the day on the couch listening to an audiobook.  I felt pretty ok when the girls got home and thought I could at least make it to bedtime.  When one of them started to hum, that's when I knew I was wrong.  

I was listening to my book and I could hear her (barely) through the headphones.  I was on the edge of having her stop and decided to just seperate myself from the situation instead.  She wasn't doing anything wrong, I was just on edge.  Very edge.  I'm not sure how I kept from crying yesterday, I just know that it was close.

Normally, I try to make it until at least 7.  I barely made it until 6:30.  Usually, when that happens, I am up around 4.  It was almost 6 when I got up this morning.  I woke up with a headache.  Not a migraine, yet, but I knew it would get there.  As I'm typing this, I know I won't last much longer.  It's going to be another audiobook day.

Many deep breaths will be needed today.