Monday, April 7, 2014

Migraine Mutterings

I just went through my first Spring Break since I quit working. It was a small taste of what summer break will be like. I must say that I am not looking forward to it. I don't know how moms stay at home without going crazy. I love my children, but I miss working.

I am currently in the process of applying for disability. I have been denied twice because "my symptoms have not changed". No they have not changed. They are still as bad as they were when I first applied. If there was a standard for migraine in the Blue Book of Social Security, it wouldn't be so stressful and harmful for us to apply for benefits. For most migraine sufferers, stress just makes everything worse. I've been told that I can "work around my headaches". The problem with that is I can't guarantee they will hit on non-working days. Finding a job that is low stress enough or is willing to work around my illness and still pay enough to support my family is stressful.

It's not just the pain that disables me. There is the nausea, which makes me not eat. Since I tend to be hypoglycemic, that is bad in and of itself. There is also the dizziness. I used to work at clerical jobs. Working on a computer while dizzy is not fun. Trying to read while dizzy just makes your head hurt worse. I also worked as a cashier at Walmart for awhile. You can bet that is not pleasant during a migraine. Trying to help a customer during a dizzy spell is excruciating and scary. I kept expecting to pass out from it.

There is also the disconnected feeling. This happens more often in a crowded area. I can't hear or focus very well. I've had someone tell me it sounds like the beginnings of a panic attack. It very well could be. I'm unconsciously panicking at the thought of a migraine hitting me out in a crowded area where I can do nothing about it. I am also one of those people who gets very irritable. And that is a nice way to put it. I'm going to use a foul word here; feel free to skip a line or so. I get down right bitchy. I hate it. That is not me. Everything sets me off and that is just not fair to the people who have to deal with me. There is no way I could work that way, especially since that can hit hours before a migraine.

Yes, I am working with a neurologist to hopefully get things under better control. Right now, I have daily (almost constant) headaches with near daily migraines. We are hoping to decrease that. I know it will happen, but I don't know how long it will take.

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